A huge challenge that can present in many relationships is the need to be right.
This comes from our ego survival mind that is feeling threatened at the time and can also have deep roots in not feeling validated on our own unique perspective as a child.
When this happens, we may have a habit of needing to prove ourself, defend ourself and our perspective to make ourself right, this actually creates a lose/lose situation, because both of you will actually feel misunderstood and not feel heard, or validated in your own experience.
This creates a breakdown of communication, generally shutdown, and massive assumptions about the other person. We end up projecting our rightness or wrongness onto them and we often seek validation from others to prove this rightness or wrongness even more.
Both people are defending their own perspective and without being able to hold another person’s perspective, you will not be able to create true understanding.
The thing that gets in the way of being able to see someone else’s perspective is, we believe we have to invalidate our own, or make it wrong, our mind never wants to be wrong, so the mind has to invalidate the other person’s perspective in order to be able to validate their own.
What if it didn’t have to be this way?
What if both of you were right?
What if we took it one step further and there was no right or wrong, good or bad? There was just an event that occurred that two people had different experiences in.
Imagine you are wearing blue glasses and your partner is wearing pink. You are both looking out at the world, experiencing essentially the same experience, except it LOOKS completely different to both of you. Neither of you is wrong, you are both having your own experience, through your own “filters and lenses”.
What if you took a moment and decided to try their pink glasses on?
This is what happens in life…..
We filter EVERYTHING through our beliefs, through our past experiences, through our wounds, and through what we are making things mean. And it all happens in a nanosecond, and very often from the unconscious mind.
What if just for today, someone had a different perspective and instead of needing to prove to them that your perspective was the “right” one, you took some time to really understand what this person was experiencing, you asked them important questions to help understand what they were feeling, you listened to them with your heart.
This is so important, especially with our kids and intimate partner.
When we unconsciously jump to conclusions, without taking the time to really understand, they will feel completely invalidated and not heard. This creates a shutdown, where they will be less inclined to express their fears, worries, thoughts, and concerns with you because it’s not safe and because they may not feel heard.
When we truly take the time, to acknowledge, hear and appreciate someone’s perspective it promotes massive understanding,
compassion, and true connection and intimacy again. We get to see and hear and learn about this person and what they are truly experiencing without making it wrong, bad, or not ok.
This is truly what creates a win/win situation, where you can understand each other, and come up with a powerful solution that works for you both, or at least an understanding of a previous situation, without holding onto old hurts and resentments.
I can promise you if you are not feeling heard, the other person isn’t either.
With Love and blessings,
Understanding how to overcome relationship challenges and to create greater empowerment and understanding overall both with kids, spouses, and family members have been one of my greatest passions over the last 13 years.
Knowing what to work on, what to heal, what beliefs need to shift, and where it all comes from is one of the most empowering gifts you can ever give yourself.
All of life is relationships. And being able to be emotionally intelligent, as well as communicate well is one of the most important skills we can ever learn as human beings.
Studies at Harvard suggested that 80% of our happiness is affected by the quality of relationships we have and when you think about it, even your relationship with your boss, work colleagues, and employees all impact you in many, many ways, not just financially.
The clearer our own filters are (belief systems) the clearer we can see other people’s perspectives, create greater understanding and communicate effectively that not only allows you to share your needs and boundaries in a healthy way but also hear the other person’s boundaries and needs also.
This is critical for creating not only safe and healthy relationships but true fulfillment, connection, love, and intimacy in relationships.
If you would love to work on this, I ONLY have two openings this month for 1:1 clients, this is powerful work on healing yourself, and creating incredible relationships and the ripple effect is massive.
Not only with health, happiness, and well-being but also financially and for truly creating a life that you love and getting back to thriving. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to apply now. xx
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