Have you ever felt really upset by someone’s personal reaction to your success or achievements?
Our need to fit in, belong and be accepted is hard wired into us, it’s part of what makes us human and it’s also essential to our survival, especially as a small child.
This can feel so painful when it happens, I’ve absolutely had times in the past, when I’ve hit a big goal, or created something that I’ve desired and manifested into my life and felt so exhilarated, only to drop like a lead ball, when a loved one’s reaction, was not what I had hoped or expected it would be.
The closer this person is to you, the more impactful and painful it will feel.
Yet none of it is personal. Even if it feels personal.
All it means is that you’ve triggered them, with your success and it will make them question where they are at. It might even scare them, that you are moving forward and they aren’t in the way that they’d like to.
It might even mean that they are scared they will lose you, if you keep growing and they aren’t keeping up with you at the same level of growth.
And ultimately if someone is jealous of you, all it means is that they are out of alignment for creating that for themselves, but you are a huge big mirror for them, showing it’s possible for them, but they are denying that for themselves.
Yet I get it, it hurts.
One of the deeper realisations I had, with a brilliant mentor was the impact of carried shame in these situations.
When someone experiences a sense of shame, a sense of feeling that they aren’t enough, when they hear about or witness what you’ve been able to achieve and if you are empathic and sensitive, you may be taking on the shame they were feeling. You absorb it into your energetic system.
When this happens, we start to feel guilty and ashamed of our successes. We want to hide or withdraw, pull back and most people will also self-sabotage their success unconsciously.
When you’ve received programming as a child that you are responsible for how others feel, you will unconsciously blame yourself and feel wrong for your achievements, especially if they trigger others.
For so many high achieving, A type personality women that I work with, this plays a huge factor in burnout and exhaustion.
They’ve received both messages as a child, that they get love, validation, approval from being the “good girl” getting the great grades, being successful, helpful and doing all the “right things”, but on the flip side can also have received the message that they have to “caretake” other people’s feelings and that they are responsible for how others feel, so if you’re upsetting someone by excelling, then that’s not ok either.
As you can see this is literally like putting the brake and accelerator on at the same time. You will be burning a whole lot of fuel, but not really getting anywhere.
It creates a double bind in our system, meaning it’s a lose/lose situation….. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
This has women pushing, striving, trying to constantly fix themselves, be better, do more, be more helpful, but is also incredibly exhausting.
Trying to be what it is that everyone else wants you to be.
In the end we become so adaptable and flexible to everyone else’s needs, that we lose ourself entirely in the process.
We become other people’s ideal of who they want us to be.
Holding back from the real success that you know is possible in your life.
Being who you really were meant to be and who you know you are deep down inside.
Understanding the mechanism of induced and carried shame is so important to help you set yourself free from these double bind paradigms.
Knowing exactly how to question your beliefs to clear them and bring in more empowering and supportive beliefs to create a life that you love is what’s needed.
Embodying your own unique frequency to align yourself with the Law of Attraction to create and magnetise yourself to all that you desire, effortlessly and easily, because you take aligned action, not just rush to get the to-do-list done.
These are just some of the powerful ways that you begin to reclaim your personal power, sovereignty and health back.
If you know that you are here to create more, that you know that there is so much more inside you, that you’ve been holding yourself back out of exhaustion and fear and feeling so burnt out from striving for so long, then it’s time to set yourself free.
Book your Breakthrough Burnout Free Call with me today by clicking the button below!
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