Are you Living from Love or Fear?

Love is our greatest gift as humans.

We all crave connection. We are hard-wired to belong and fit in and be part of the tribe.

So many fears can come up in relationship to this.

Am I enough? Tends to be the biggest one according to Tony Robbins.

I still get scared, I still get worried. My ego/survival mind is designed for protection not freedom.

It limits me, it tries to warn me, it tries to keep me “normal” and in the box.

It acts like an overly anxious Mum, wanting to make sure that I have everything that I need,

To feel safe, secure and certain.

And yet there is another larger part of myself that knows that I am more.

That knows that I am here for a reason.

That knows that I am here to do more and be more.

To express the fullest part of ourself.

And I know you feel it too.

We are never given any desire,

That cannot be fulfilled.

It’s just that so often, we let our mind get in the way.

It tells us stories,

Of how we can’t, or how we shouldn’t, or how it’s selfish.

That we don’t have the time, the money or the ability.

And we stop.

My soul yearns to be expressed.

I used to push down those feelings, those yearnings.

I used to soldier on in life, trying to keep things together.

All the while not able to contain fully what was inside.

It bubbled up again and again.

I forced it down with food, with alcohol, with numbing myself out through distraction and procrastination.

And yet I knew something was missing.

I thought I could hide that from the outside world.

Put the happy face on and nod my head at all the right times.

Yes, Life is great.

And yet, I felt hollow.

I knew I was searching for something illusive.

Something that felt beyond me and yet somehow part of me.

But I knew innately that it was there somewhere.

And so the search began.

First it started out there.

I looked in books, Courses and other People.

A great job, relationship, house, financial security, kids, marriage.

And yet what I discovered was it couldn’t be found out there.

No matter how hard or long I looked for it.

Because it was inside me, all along.

But I didn’t give it the time to tune in.

I didn’t give it the time to listen.

For my heart whispers quietly,

While the ego mind, screamed louder than ever before at me.

Impatiently demanding that I do more, have more, get more done in a day.

Faster, faster, more and more, to prove and to defend that I was enough, that I was worthy.

So that finally I could feel enough and finally I could fill that hole that I felt inside……

Until I finally fall exhausted in a heap.

Resigned to the fact that I couldn’t.

I finally surrendered.

My world fell apart.

My marriage broke down, my Mum passed away.

Friendships dropped away.

And everything that had been false in my world crumbled too.

It shook me to the core.

It slapped me so hard in the face it made me look at my life and how I had been living.

How I had been hiding from the world,

Trying to fit in,

Trying to be the perfect Wife, Mum, Daughter, Sister.

Trying to conform and mould myself to be what I thought others wanted and needed to be.

Desperately wanting to fill the hole inside that could not be filled with anything,

But the real me.

She started to emerge.

Shaky at first.

Anxious at first.

More and more layers dropped away.

More and more exposed,

Vulnerabilty and courage deeply entwined.

Masks and layers ripped off,

Sometimes slowly and with care and sometimes like a ridiculously sticky bandaid that won’t budge, that leaves you stinging afterwards.

And just when I thought I had peeled the last off.

Something came along and pierced my heart to the core.

And again has shaken undeniable truth into me.

Love.

A love so deep that it cannot be ignored.

A love that I cannot walk away from, even though I’ve tried to at times.

A love that has triggered my every fear, that I ever built a wall around as a single Mum.

A love that has tested me with fire.

A love that has moved me through every fear and protection mechanism that I could have possibly felt and yet I’m sure there’s probably still more.

A love that continues to grow and expand.

A love that I have no idea what tomorrow holds and yet the present is so delicious that it needs no worry or concern.

A love that holds me so present to my truth,

Because the fear and anxiety that surges up, shows me where I’m lying to myself.

Where the ego wants to protect and defend.

A love so grand that it can hold it all.

The love, the hate, the peace, the fear.

It contains it all within.

And with that love, I have been able to surrender and trust.

To let go.

To stop the fighting, the flailing.

The drama.

To release and allow my life to flow.

To have things be easier than ever before.

To feel so full inside that my cup overflows endlessly.

To be so guided in every moment (when I remember to tune in)

That there is no panic or fear.

To feel so content, with where I am right now.

And to be filled with blissful excitement and passion,

For my path ahead.

Without the need to control it,

Or to know ahead of time.

Love is our most powerful gift..

And what I have learnt is that when I establish this deep connection within myself.

Then it is instantly reflected in my world around me,

In my relationships, work, financial success, health and every other area of life.

I feel so deeply blessed.

So deeply taken care of.

Life takes care of life.

My wish for you?

Is to take time for you.

To get to know you.

To find you.

The real you.

In my experience, it’s not a one-time certificate that once it’s done it’s done.

It’s a moment to moment thing.

But I can say, there is nothing in the world at all like it.

Sending you so many Blessings and Love,

Always in ALL Ways,

Sal xox

 

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