Are you struggling in your relationships? This could be why….

Who struggles with creating and maintaining healthy boundaries with others at times?

I know I do! It’s something I’ve had to do a lot of work on over the years and still find myself regressing at times, due to unhealed past traumas, that arise into my consciousness to be looked at, held, and healed. 

In my experience, sharing our personal reality and what is and isn’t ok for ourself can be one of the hardest things that you will learn to do as a functional adult. 

We risk all sorts of things when we speak our truth and it can be paralysing if you are crippled with these three fears listed below. 

These three fears may be blocking you from creating healthy boundaries with others…. 

  1. A deep fear of not belonging or not being accepted for who you are. If you were to speak your truth or express what you need or want, you will be rejected.  
  2. Fear of not being safe or losing our personal safety. If we speak up or say what we really think or feel, someone may get angry or aggressive towards me. 
  3. Fear of not being a good person or being conflicted with our own values, or who we believe that we are in the world. (I am a loving person therefore I cannot uphold this boundary as it will hurt the other person, which is unloving.)

 

This is why developing healthy self-esteem is vitally important and healing past traumas is crucial to being able to uphold and express your own personal boundaries.

I used to think of boundaries as walls or a fence to keep what I didn’t want to experience out, however after many years of exploring boundaries and different interpretations of these, I believe that boundaries are what actually personally define you as you. 

Your personal boundaries can be your likes and dislikes, or what feels good for you and supports you and your nervous system to feel nurtured, supported and to be able to fully expand into your fullest potential. 

Behaviours, people, or situations that drain your energy is a clear sign of a boundary breach. 

The challenge with upholding boundaries is that you may actually never have learnt this as a child. 

If your parents were unable to uphold their own personal boundaries, (they always said yes when they really meant no or appeared to change their personality or behaviours around other people, and or lived in anger and resentment) then you would have never learnt how to uphold and maintain your own personal boundaries in a healthy way. 

This means that we need to reparent ourself by paying attention to our emotions and nervous system when we are with people and in certain situations. 

Tuning in and recognising what does and doesn’t feel ok for you is so important, in order to stay sustainable and not burnout in the world. 

One of the biggest factors I see with burnout is people continuing to put themselves back into situations that are depleting and draining their energy. Not knowing how to say no, or to communicate their personal boundaries effectively. 

Not to mention that living in anger and resentment is a massive energy drain on our own personal system. 

If you have trouble maintaining healthy boundaries. If you find it difficult to say no, if you are feeling exhausted and feel that you are so responsible for others, then it’s time to get support to step back into a thriving and reclaiming your health, vitality, and energy. 

Book your call in with me to step back into Thriving, reclaim your vitality, set healthy boundaries and to heal past traumas, so that you can get back to really living and loving your life.

Book your call here!


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Abundant Heart Coaching

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