Understanding your defender/guardian self…..
Do you get defensive or tend to emotionally react, more than you would like to?
One of the biggest realisations that I had through my own experiences of low energy, exhaustion, fatigue and burnout was the role of my defender/guardian protectors.
Understanding these parts of ourselves helps to bring greater compassion and less self-judgements when these aspects take over and we start to become more defensive in the way we interact with others.
Sometimes this can be as small as becoming more short or blunt in your communication style, or becoming super defensive and hypersensitive when someone share’s their feedback with you.
When this is happening, these protector aspects take over to protect your body, your energy and to help you to uphold your personal boundaries and whilst it may not feel like you are the most loving human being when these aspects take over, they are there for a reason.
It’s also why sometimes you may notice yourself being a lot more negative, or that it’s harder to feel positive when you are physically exhausted…
As women in particular, we sometimes forget to really tune into our body and how we are really feeling. Our energy reserves can be so low, but we either may not recognise how low they really are, (often because we’ve numbed ourself for so long to supress how we really feel), or we may just continue to ignore or downplay how we feel, simply because we continually make everybody else’s needs more important.
You keep telling yourself, you’ll rest when the laundry is done, or when the meal is cooked, or when you’ve just done this one thing, only to find that there’s always something else that needs doing!!!
Your defender/guardian protector is trying to protect you from completely depleting your body.
That’s why the anger and resentment rise up.
That’s why you end up losing your temper and becoming impatient with others, because you are literally functioning on less and less life energy.
And the biggest challenge with being in our defender/guardian energy is that not only does it massively contribute to communication issues. (We can be extra reactional when we are experiencing this, but we also typically are a lot more defensive too.)
This can quickly lead to many issues in relationships, not to mention our own self-judgement. I can totally put my hand up to experiencing the horrible Mum guilt that can happen from yelling at my girls when they were young, when I was tired and frustrated, before I really understood how to stop this pattern and cycle…..
This leads to further loss of self-confidence, further self-berating and criticising ourself, leading to further and further loss of energy and the cycle just continues then….
Knowing how to step out of this and reclaim your joy, and your love, your happiness and your truest self is one of the best things that we can ever do for ourself and our loved ones.
When you are thriving, so will they!
Your energy will feel amazing and you will love who you are again and feel so proud of yourself.
Not to mention having the energy to get the things that really matter to you, done in a day.
Learning how to shift my emotions and understanding the link between my physical energy and my emotional energy was key.
And also letting go of the beliefs that were keeping this cycle of exhaustion and burnout in place.
These are often deeply linked beliefs such as our value is tied to how much we get done in a day and our worth is based on how loving we are, or how much that we help others.
It’s easy to see how these cycles are perpetuated with this type of thinking and how it actually really gets in the way of self-love and self-nurturing.
And so many women end up experiencing a lose/lose situation…
Where they will experience guilt and even shame if they take care of themselves or do put themselves first, or resentment and anger if they continue the cycle of putting everyone else’s needs before their own.
Setting yourself free is so powerful.
Overcoming these beliefs and stepping into self-love and self-care from a place of ease and flow was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given to myself to restore my energy and recover from burnout, guilt free.
If you’d like to know more about setting yourself free and reclaiming your personal joy, freedom, health, energy and vitality back and knowing how to work with your defender and guardian aspects then book your FREE Breakthrough Burnout Consult with me now:
With Love and Blessings,
Always in All Ways,
There is nothing that lights my heart and my energy up more than supporting others to break through their own limitations and create a life of their dreams!! I’ve known the pain of feeling so stuck. I’ve known the pain of not living true to myself, I’ve known the pain of what it’s likes to […]
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