Wanting someone to change, comes from a deep fear within, that without them doing that, you will not be ok.
Perhaps you are feeling impacted by someone’s behaviours, someone’s mood, or someone’s decisions.
I get it, I know when I’ve felt this at times within myself, I’ve felt wildly out of control.
At a deeper level it comes from co-dependence.
Needing someone else to be different, so you can be ok, will leave you feeling completely powerless and out of control.
This is why we will either consciously or unconsciously attempt to control others.
This will never resolve the issue.
I’ve found again and again, it only reinforces a deeper cycle, a deeper pattern of pain, especially in intimate relationships.
Neither person feels loved, valued, seen, heard, or validated for who they are.
Because feeling controlled and being controlling are two sides of the same coin.
It is literally like trying to control a flower to open, bloom or blossom at a particular time, because you need it to, so that you can feel good. As we all know logically, a flower will open in it’s own divine timing.
I honestly understand how hard this can feel at times, especially when you feel deeply impacted by someone’s mood, or behaviours.
The only way to truly exit out of this is to take full responsibility for your own wellbeing, happiness and what you need to feel good within yourself.
I also find that aligning myself and focusing on the outcome that I wish to experience instead, with trust and faith is the only way to release the need for control.
Because anytime we are trying to control anything, it is always coming from a place of fear.
As humans we can be so unconscious also of the impact that we ourselves are having on the other person. It’s so easy to see what we think, they need to change, without first really objectively seeing ourself and how we are showing up in that situation and contributing to the situation. If we are experiencing it, we are also co-creating it with the other person.
I find many times that I unconsciously project onto the other person, what I think they need to do for themselves, which is actually what I need to do for myself.
When I become conscious of this, I realise this is my own medicine.
If you would love to know how to do this, it is literally writing down the statement, “They should or they shouldn’t………. “ And see what follows that.
I then turn this back around to myself.
I should or I shouldn’t……… Whatever it was that I wrote down initially.
Every single time I do this, and it does take humility, our ego, absolutely loves to blind us to believing that we are not like that, or we are already doing this, but everytime I sit with it, my own truth rises as a soothing balm to heal me, as my own medicine to receive.
The thing is we have to take full responsibility for whatever is coming into our experience. This is the only way to regain our full connection to our own inner power.
With blaming others or the situation, we are giving away our own power, when we do that, we lose the ability to respond, that is our “Response-Ability” and this in turn negates our own power and ability in order to change the situation.
Every time I’ve sat honestly with myself, to really see, how did I co-create this experience, I can always see what needs healing within me.
Where did I not speak up?
Where am I not maintaining my own boundaries?
Where am I taking things personally?
Where am I not communicating my own needs effectively?
Where am I invalidating the other person’s perspective through my own need to be right or to be seen as good?
All of these questions can be confronting to sit with, and also have the power to heal you and transform your patterns and cycles of frustrating situations.
With Love and Blessings,
If you would love to heal reoccurring patterns and cycles within your relationships, this is my jam, to be able to understand and see what are the deeper beliefs that are keeping you re-creating and locked into these patterns and situations.
At an even deeper level, these are 99% always rooted from our childhood experiences and what we’ve taken in through our own conditioning and programming and who we believed that we needed to be in order to fit in, belong and be accepted.
This programming and conditioning, can eventually lead us into patterns of dis-ease especially if there is trauma held within the nervous system, keeping you in a state of fight/flight; feeling that you can’t stop, you can’t rest, you have to take care of everyone.
Or a deep state of freeze; feeling extreme resistance, exhaustion, depression, powerlessness and fatigue, this is often coupled with a deep feeling of shame and unworthiness locking us into feeling paralysed and unable to create the changes we wish to in our life.
If this is you, healing these patterns, beliefs and conditioning is so important, not only to create and maintain vibrant health, but also to fee. a deep sense of love, connection, vitality, joy and happiness in your life.
If you would love to really understand the root cause of what’s going on, I’ve got a few limited spaces left this week, where we can have a quick FREE 15 min chat, (VALUE $97) to see if and how I may be able to help you. Click the button below to book now!
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