Giving to your partner, not because you have to, but because you choose to as an expression of who you are, is truly joyous and massively supports the relationship.
But often we get this backward we give to them or do the things to make them happy in an attempt to get their approval.
When we need someone’s approval, either consciously or unconsciously, we will feel controlled or feel that we have to please
At this moment, we are not operating autonomously, it’s as if we’ve been thrust back into the state of our childhood, in needing to please our parents.
In doing so, we make others our Gods, we give them our power, and we hand over our worth for them to judge as acceptable or not. We believe we need to appease them, otherwise, we will be deemed unwanted or unlovable.
This is terrifying for the ego survival mind, and we will often bend, twist and contort ourself many times over, in order to attempt to please and appease the other.
This leaves us feeling powerless, as we’ve consciously or unconsciously given our power away to others.
And the most challenging part is, we then resent them for that…..
Heart breaking and difficult, especially if you value relationships and love highly.
It creates a push/pull energy in the relationship.
On one hand, you want their love, their approval, their validation.
On the other hand, you resent them for not feeling free, to truly be yourself, or for feeling that you have to do all the things, to make them happy, to keep the peace, and every time you do that, you lose another piece of yourself in the process…..
If you do this for years, you will end up feeling totally lost, totally confused with who you actually are.
This is when we have lost ourself in a relationship with others.
Personally, this is an area, that I have really struggled with in the past, and have a tendency to drop back into if I go unconscious and do not remain aware.
The biggest cause of this?
Needing someone else’s approval…
Whilst ever we value their opinion of us, over our opinion of ourself, we will give our power away and blame them and resent them for it.
It’s OUR OWN job, especially as adults, to give ourself the love, the approval, the validation to ourself first.
To know thyself clearly.
To know what your boundaries are, but also to stay true to them.
Often boundary violations don’t happen all at once.
Often, they are small subtleties that we let go of overtime.
Just missing a day or two of something that we used to do to feel connected to self, such as journaling,
Can become a week, or two, then a month or two, then suddenly a whole year, or years can go by and we wonder what happened.
Another’s influence on us, is subtle but very powerful over time.
Just the same as the water gradually wears away at a rock, the same can be true in relationships.
This is why knowing what your values are and making sure that you are aligned with a partner that upholds the same values is so important.
Otherwise, we end up losing ourself.
Every time we betray ourself, even just a little, is chipping away at our heart and soul.
Every piece is a cost to our personal integrity and clarity of who we are and what we stand for.
Every time we self-abandon to receive the approval we crave, we devalue ourself a little more.
The way to free yourself from this is to give yourself the validation, the approval, the love that you crave from another.
This is the pathway to freedom.
This is what sets you free.
This is what gives you back, to yourself.
This is where our boundaries are created and upheld.
This is where we define what our true values are and what’s truly important to ourself.
This is where self-love is the most EMPOWERING gift that you can ever give yourself.
And this is exactly what I address in the Warrior Goddess Self-Love School.
I remember getting to the age of 32 and realising I didn’t have a clue at all about HOW to actually LOVE myself.
Like what even is that, or how do you start to do that?
I’ve had so many women over the years say to me, I know I should
love myself, but I actually don’t know how to do that…..
This is why I’m so passionate about teaching this.
Because we are often not taught what this looks like or what this is, or how to do this.
This is so critical, because not only do you get to learn this and transform this for yourself, which will unleash a new level of confidence, a self-belief that is unstoppable, undeniable energy and connection to your own sense of inner power, but this improves your health, your happiness and your sense of freedom.
It breaks my heart to speak to women in their 40’s, 50’s, and even 60’s that do not know how to love themselves or have never experienced this.
It’s also a huge factor in healing burnout.
Because without loving ourself first, we will bend ourself inside out trying to please others, we will experience crushing guilt if we say no, we will have no clue of our own personal boundaries and we often wear layers and layers of facades, to hide our real authentic feelings and truth, because we are so damned scared that others will reject us if we expressed that. That’s exhausting and draining…..
This is like trapping a butterfly in a box for its entire life.
You were born to soar,
You were born to express your true authentic self,
You were born as a unique, once in a lifetime cosmic event,
You have a unique and vital role to play on earth,
You are here to BE who you REALLY are,
THAT IS YOUR GIFT TO THE WORLD!
It’s time to be YOU!
Oceans of Love,
If you know it’s absolutely time to set yourself free, to learn how to love yourself,
To know clearly what your own boundaries are, to know how to express yourself authentically,
To let go of damaging and painful stories that hold you back and make you feel like rubbish, it’s time to get the skills and the tools you need.
Not only for yourself but for your kids also.
Remember they are watching you everyday. Right now, more than ever before, we get to be the circuit breakers for our generational trauma.
We get to do the healing work for our future children/grandchildren/great grandchildren
Freedom is waiting for you. xx
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