Do you sabotage yourself?
Ever worked super hard to achieve something, you were dedicated, persistent, and committed, only to get there, and not really celebrate your success at all? In fact you actually find yourself down playing what you have achieved when you speak with others, or not even mentioning at all? You feel negative feelings arise, such as guilt, anxiety and a sense of shame at a deeper level that at first it’s hard to acknowledge, you just know that you don’t feel quite right?
This can arise when we feel guilty for achieving success in our life. It can show up in any area, health and fitness and body image, financially, relationships and it tends to be an upper limit issue as Gay Hendriks writes about in “The Big Leap”.
This really comes back to a feeling that we are abandoning others or being disloyal to others through achieving our success, or that our success could actually hurt them, and make them feel bad or not worthy or not capable.
It is our Ego’s way of keeping us small and not allowing our true soul and spirit to shine. For to do so, threatens the very safety of our wellbeing in “not fitting into our tribe” any more.
The conflict that we can experience, along with these feelings of guilt or shame, can also be anger and resentment. And statement’s such as “I worked hard for this”. “They weren’t the ones doing the work and getting up early.” These are all ways of justifying our “worthiness”.
Our WORTH is NEVER in question.
It is only our EGO/SURVIVAL mind that believes it needs to be worthy or deserving to receive things because it is constantly judging our self, others and the world around us in an effort to separate itself and make things good, bad, black white, so it can understand the world enough to attempt to protect itself. The EGO/SURVIVAL mind creates constructs of BELIEFS, in order to make sense of things and the way that it believes that life is. It’s trying to figure out the RULES, so it can FOLLOW them and then be SAFE. The only problem is that there are so many RULES and everyone has DIFFERENT rules, and so many of them CONFLICT with other rules!!
No wonder our minds get us in such a mess when we are trying to figure things out!
I personally have FOUND that the less RULES we have the HAPPIER we are. Byron Katie’s “The Work” (www.thework.com) is so profound in helping us to identify what our unresourceful rules and beliefs are, and especially the ones that we PROJECT onto others and believe that THEY should be following, even when half the time we are not even CONSISTENT with following our own rules!
In Australia particularly we also have what’s called “Tall Poppy Syndrome”. We are very quick to cut down or to judge, anyone that is getting too “big for their boots.”
No one likes a boaster, and yet when it comes to celebrating our successes in a genuine HEART FELT way of self-love, self-nurturing, rather than from a place of EGO and needing to PROVE how good we are, to overcome our fear of “not being enough” we are often still judged or have the fear of being judged by others. And that’s where the GUILT comes in. The emotion of GUILT seeks punishment. So therefore even if I am successful , if I feel guilty or bad about it, then maybe it’s ok……
NO!!! This is a deep inner conflict stemming from the FEAR of “it’s not ok for me to be successful and yet, I want to be successful.”
Until you question and clear this belief and inner conflict up, this will continue to hold you back and sabotage your efforts to move forward, in any area of your life.
Until we are ok with being successful, we will always hold back from fear of being judged, or dampen our success with feelings of guilt or shame.
3 Ways to let go of guilt, shame or sabotage when you are improving your life and getting great results!
1. Discover your limiting beliefs or fears – journal about them and follow the Byron Katie process to clear these. “I feel guilty for being so successful.” “They will judge me”
2. Find supportive people to celebrate your success with. People that are not threatened (through Ego) with your success and are genuinely excited and delighted for you. Celebrate others successes with them! Feelings of Success breed more success, so celebrate their win as if it’s your own and you will also be conditioning Success into your own nervous system!
3. Observe if you ever feel jealous of others success. Know that whilst ever you do, you will always hold yourself back on some level, because you will not want others to be jealous of you and you will never allow yourself to pursue something that you feel negative about.
Tap into your heart energy regularly, through placing your left hand on your heart and breathing in deeply for a few minutes. Allow your “monkey mind” to quieten down – daily consistent meditation practice will help with this.
Your highest self, truest version of you is never judgemental. It is that quiet, calm, clear, loving and supportive voice, that wants you to succeed, not from a place of PROVING your WORTH, but from a place of demonstrating WHO you REALLY are at your core. Living from this space will give you an inner peace, that most yearn for their entire lives.
If you find that you regularly sabotage yourself, this is coming from a place of fear.
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