Do not rob your kids of the lessons that will strengthen them, for one day, you will not be earthside with them and they will need their own strength, ability, and resilience.
One of the biggest things I’ve had to be aware of and overcome in myself as a mother and a woman was my need to be needed and taking over-responsibility for others and stepping in way too soon to be the “Helper”, especially with my kids.
Needing to be needed met so many of my own emotional needs, that I was being a good Mum, that I was loving, that I was significant in their lives, that I was important to them and my ego loved that sense of certainty that I got from that.
At a deeper level in my psyche, it was a way of attempting to control situations, so that my ego, could potentially protect itself against being rejected or abandoned by those around me.
If I was needed or had become so indispensable to those around me, I felt more certain that I would be loved and have a deeper sense of belonging, fitting in, and being accepted. (All of this was unconscious of course.)
Our ego also loves the feeling of significance that can come from being other’s helpers and fixers/rescuers. However, when we give from this energy, it doesn’t serve anyone in the end.
It’s not to say we shouldn’t help others, or help our kids. Most certainly not.
It does mean however becoming more consciously aware of what is driving us to help others, and also asking ourselves, are we doing something for them, that they are 100% capable of learning how to do for themselves.
When we over-give, or take over-responsibility for others, not only does it end up producing resentment, anger, or frustration in these relationships, but it can also become a major cause of burnout and we can unknowingly disempower those that we are helping, from truly taking self-responsibility and developing confidence,
determination, tenacity, and resilience in their own lives.
By overgiving and taking over-responsibility we are unconsciously saying to them, let me do this thing for you, that you cannot do for yourself. (Even if they can or are capable of learning how to.)
I know that is not our conscious intention, however, it can have a tendency to clip our children’s wings from developing their own sense of independence and self-responsibility.
In some instances, it can also breed a sense of entitlement in children too. Especially when it becomes “expected that Mum will take care of that for me, so I don’t have to do it.”
In my personal opinion, this never supports our children to fully become self-responsible and divine creators of their own lives.
Letting them go through the challenges of learning and overcoming their own hardships (with our love, support, and guidance of course) teaches them so much about themselves and will build a deeper confidence in their ability to be able to handle life.
They develop an inner knowing and sense of “can do” attitude, along with resiliency and determination to work things out for themselves.
When we worry about our kids, we only teach them to be anxious and fearful about life and unconsciously send them a message that we don’t think they will be ok.
Obviously, we also want to be emotionally attuned so that we are also not invalidating their fearful worries or concerns either, but gently breathing confidence, belief, trust, and empowerment into them and working through those fears and concerns with them.
I get it, I’ve worried so many times about my own girls, until the moment I become aware of what I am doing, that I am adding to their fears and anxieties. I do my best to align myself with how it would feel, for them to be achieving or creating their own desired outcomes and focus my energy and thoughts on that for them.
Now I am becoming a co-creator of their dream life and supporting the energy to flow in a much more positive direction.
Making these small switches in ourselves, and trusting in our children’s abilities and capabilities is one of the most empowering gifts we can give them.
I’ve consciously chosen at times to let my girls sometimes learn the harder lessons and not step in as the immediate solution, (such as them paying for a school laptop that was damaged), to learn more about self-responsibility.
Being a parent can be such a tricky path to navigate, there is no right or wrong way to do anything and of course, tuning into your own intuition and what feels right for you and your child, is always what is most important. You know your child better than anyone else.
And I know for me, being self-aware of these subtleties that can be unconsciously driving us, was very helpful for me as a parent.
I hope they land, as the gift that they were intended.
With Love and Blessings,
If you know you are an over-giver and you tend to take over-responsibility for everyone around you, and you are feeling exhausted and fatigued, I highly recommend grabbing access today to my 28-Day Mini Thrive Course.
In it you will learn, why we end up in this type of behavior and what is the root cause of it and how to overcome it.
How to challenge your beliefs and thoughts that are keeping you stuck and even becoming more aware of these thoughts that are damaging to your self-esteem.
What shifts are you need to make to ensure your physical well-being returns?
How to work with your emotions to raise your physical energy and feel better every day.
And how to get back in touch with your real, most authentic self, setting healthy boundaries and doing more things that bring you joy, letting go of being the people pleaser.
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