It’s ok to feel angry.
This is something that I want to speak into deeply, because the consequences of not allowing ourself to feel our anger, acknowledge our anger and to realise that it is our friend are so far reaching.
Your anger is there to act as a guardian and a protector.
It’s often one of the first emotions that can arise along with resentment to let you know that something you are doing or experiencing is violating your own boundaries.
Your emotions are always guiding you.
They are signals to let you know what is and isn’t ok for you.
If you are exhausted and tired and your physical energy has dropped below 50% you will notice anger and or resentment start to rise, because it’s trying to protect you from depleting yourself entirely.
When you feel more and more people asking you to do things, if you do not have the physical capacity or energy to do it, anger will arise.
When you feel you have to push, when you feel you have no other choice but to do it all.
Your anger will arise and let you know that it’s not ok.
Your anger is letting you know where your boundaries exist.
One of the biggest things I learnt as a little girl was to be all loving.
No matter what anybody else did or said to me, I should be loving in return.
As a girl this left me wide open to repeated bullying, not knowing how to move away from those situations because “I needed to be a loving and kind friend, no matter how they treated me.”
This led me to my instincts being so dulled.
I couldn’t respond to events or people appropriately, when they were not treating me well or when I was being used. I was not even remotely aware that my feelings of fear, uncomfortability, anger or wanting to move away from a situation were there to tell me I needed to take action to honour and take care of myself. I made those feelings wrong.
Pushing down and suppressing my anger, caused depression to arise from within. Because to feel internalised anger and not be able to express that or even be consciously aware of that, left me powerless to speak up for myself. I lost my voice and I lost the ability to do anything about the situation.
It left me in the Freeze and Shame states.
Paralysed.
This led to being in a very unhealthy relationship for 14 years. Yes there were good times, but there were many, many times when unacceptable things happened. Things that again I pushed down and suppressed my rage, diving me even deeper into depression and feeling powerless to change my situation. Because to leave, would have been unloving.
I had no consideration at all, as to how unloving I was being to myself, by choosing to stay.
I am so passionate about this because teaching our girls to be loving no matter what, completely disables them to listen to their instincts.
It teaches them, that it’s ok for anyone to treat them anyway they like and they just have to smile and love that person back.
It completely disarms them in their ability to feel and know their emotions and understand what those emotions are telling them.
It leaves them with absolutely no boundaries. Losing their sense of self and what is and isn’t ok for them.
Being melded into everyone else’s needs wants and desires, so that they remain all loving.
This is actual the 4th stage of The Fight/Flight Stress and Trauma response.
Yet when people pleasing is used as a coping mechanism to regain safety, it is a false illusion.
Often subjecting that person to further situations and circumstances, where they continue to people please and not speak or live their truth.
This is not true safety. It is “surviving in a trauma situation.”
Recognising and embracing all of your emotions let you know exactly what needs to change and where your boundaries exist.
Allowing you to create the changes necessary,
To Honour,
To Love,
To Cherish,
To Respect,
And
To Value,
You.
You are so precious, so valued, so loved, that you truly deserve to live the life of your dreams and be in relationships and situations that honour, respect and reflect your true preciousness and value back to you.
With Love and Blessings,
Always in All Ways,
Sal xox
P.S.
People pleasing is one of the biggest causes of burnout. Over-giving and taking responsibility for everyone else around you is exhausting, especially when your bucket is already depleted.
As you can see from above, the body, give’s us plenty of signs, but if we are not listening to them, we are not honoring those signs, then burnout occurs.
It’s often the slap in the face that stops us in our tracks. The body has finally said no, when we couldn’t find our voice.
Healing burnout also means healing these coping mechanisms such as people pleasing. Often there can be deep unhealed trauma associated with this.
Knowing how to heal these aspects of ourself, means that you feel more whole, more loved and more complete, not to mention, stepping into incredible self-love, health, energy and wonderful relationships. I promise you, it’s time to set yourself free. Click the button below to book your call.
Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia
Email: admin@sallyholden.com.au
Phone: (+061) 428 316 546