If you ever had to be the caretaker of your parent’s emotions and well-being as a child, chances are you will experience some level of burnout and fatigue in your life.
This sets up the paradigm of being overly responsible for everyone in your world, as it was established with your first primary relationships which set the belief system for who and how you believe you need to be in the world.
Essentially this creates the conditions for co-dependence.
This can happen in two ways.
Either of your parents or both of your parents, never healed their inner child, so constantly needed your reassurance, validation, and love, for them to feel ok. Or they never actually emotionally grew up and matured, and learned how to reparent their own wounded child.
They have wounded children walking around in adults’ bodies. (There is no judgment on this, a huge percentage of parents even in today’s world, would be relevant. I had to do so much inner work on healing these things for myself as a parent, to show up as the parent I choose to do these days, and sometimes I still have some of these things pop up.)
Or they felt that who they are as a parent was so enmeshed with their idea of who you were, that they couldn’t be ok unless you were ok.
Your achievement reflected how well they had done as a parent.
Any misbehavior or lack of achievement reflected how they had failed as a parent.
(These two beliefs, are the biggest anchor to authoritarian/controlling style parenting.)
This means that if you were upset, you had to try and contain or control your emotions somehow, so that your mother, father, or both, could feel that they were okay. (Not something that we choose consciously, but is very much a survival-based coping tendency.)
You, being upset or having needs or desires meant that they were failing in some way, and if they had attached their worth as a person, to be a perfect parent (enter perfectionism) then it would trigger them into a state of shame and feelings of failure. (And the fastest way that we unconsciously move out of shame is to blame another.)
Understanding how these dynamics have played out and impacted your belief systems and how you feel about yourself as a person is critical to healing our own inner child.
This is generation trauma playing out.
Our parents had their own wounds, and their parents had their own wounds too, unless it is healed though, we end up perpetuating the same type of wounding onto our own children.
I believe more parents than ever before are becoming the circuit breakers of generational trauma.
Reparenting our shamed and unloved fragmented parts is critical to feeling whole within ourselves and coming from true conscious choices when making life decisions, rather than being unconsciously controlled through our trauma patterning and people-pleasing programming.
This is why these patterns are also so important to heal, in order to heal burnout.
It is these co-dependency issues that keep us feeling overly responsible for others and under-responsible for our own health, well-being, and lives.
Believing everyone else’s needs are more important than our own.
Believing that we are responsible for everyone’s sense of happiness and well-being and we can’t be happy unless they are.
Needing to be needed….
Freeing yourself from these belief systems and programming is the most loving thing that you can do for yourself and for your family, as underneath it causes a lot of anger and resentment long term unless it is healed.
This sets us and our loved ones free.
Free to fully be you.
Free to take care of you and do what’s right for you,
Free to set loving and healthy boundaries with others,
Free to communicate really effectively from the heart with love and compassion,
Free to be fully authentic and do what lights your heart up,
Free to have the energy to heal your body, your emotions, and your beliefs and to feel super connected with your own internal truth again.
If that’s what you are looking for, I have a couple of spots open for my 12-week Thrive Program before the end of this year. It is a deep dive into clearing these patterns and programs, doing the inner work, healing your nervous system, learning how to regulate your emotional state, and most importantly overcoming burnout, exhaustion, and fatigue and getting your ENERGY back!
This is a deeply supportive program, that covers all bases of healing your body physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and is by application only.
If you are ready to have the best 2023 year ever, to heal these tendencies to get back your energy and love your life again then,
Click below to book your 15 min FREE Breakthrough Burnout Consult to apply now.
Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia
Email: admin@sallyholden.com.au
Phone: (+061) 428 316 546