Grief is one of the heaviest emotions we can feel as human beings, and one of the aspects I’m truly thankful for about grief is that we couldn’t feel that level of grief if there wasn’t tremendous love.
Remembering this can help to keep me centered during such big emotions.
This week I’ve had the blessing and the privilege to spend time with a very loved family member who is in the process of transitioning from this life into the next.
My heart is awash with such a huge mixture of emotion, deep, deep love, and deep gratitude for the opportunity to see her and visit her after 2.5 years of being restricted, and the miracle of those restrictions being lifted for just 4 days, 2 of which I was able to spend with her.)
Anger that I’ve not been able to see her, understanding of why I’ve not been able to see her, gratitude for the blessing to hear her voice, hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek, and the ability to tell her that I love her face to face.
Such deep arising emotions from reflecting on my own mothers passing, confronting me again with such huge waves of grief and such a deep love and gratitude and mixtures of feelings and memories arising.
Complete and utter gratitude for being surrounded by family and being able to hug them and hold them close.
Grief is such a personal journey.
There is no wrong way or right way to grieve.
Our bodies are so clever, in helping us navigate shock and huge emotions, especially depending on the personal space and emotional, mental and physical capacity we have at the time.
It’s as if our body knows how much we can process in any given moment, and only allows that amount to flow. Even though sometimes that can even feel overwhelming.
If we have very little personal space or capacity, the body will shut down these emotions to varying degrees until we have more safety in our environment, or until we feel the crisis or emergency is over.
It can seem confusing to many, because they may feel as if they are able to hold it all together, during the crisis, but then collapse or feel entirely overwhelmed with huge emotions afterward.
This is the way our nervous system works and in my experience and through working with many others over the years, it’s so important to create that personal space to truly allow ourself to feel, to grieve, and to process these emotions.
We can spend many months even years and years remaining busy or attaching to other addictions such as smoking, drinking, emotional eating, gambling, and spending money to avoid feeling our biggest feelings, but the whole time these are bubbling away underneath the surface and we never truly escape them, just merely suppress them in an attempt to numb out and mostly this is in ways that do more damage than good.
If you or someone you know are grieving, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I’m sending you love.
It’s so important to recognize that we may feel less resilient, have less capacity to do or focus on what we would normally do, and have less capacity to deal with day-to-day stresses.
There may be withdrawal and shutting down and closing off and grief can also feel like such an isolating journey as it can feel that many don’t understand what you are going through, or even worse, continue to try and “cheer you up”.
Grief is a process, and for some, it can take months or years (it was a 2-year process for me with my Mum) and still even have waves of grief at bigger life events, or just even from the simplest of moments.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross also wrote some incredible books on grief and navigating it. These could be powerful resources for you also.
If you have been through a huge loss in your life, and you are struggling with unresourceful behaviours, working with someone who can help you navigate the pathway and help you to overcome these addictions and give you the tools how to process in a way that feels right for you can be an absolute blessing.
Please reach out to me, via a DM or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like some additional tools or would like a guide map on this pathway.
Love and Blessings,
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