We cannot expect someone to do for us, that we are not doing for ourselves….
This perhaps has been one of my hardest lessons in life, one that I really resisted and loathed initially, until I finally understood it, and now I use it as one of my greatest gifts to gain clarity in my life.
Because when I felt in so much pain, so much sadness, so alone, so much self-hatred and loathing, I desperately wanted someone to love me, value me, understand me, and take care of me.
These were in my lowest moments when I’d hit rock bottom in my life when my husband left me and my Mum had passed away.
It was a steep learning curve.
I felt like a victim of circumstance. Becoming a single Mum overnight and feeling so alone.
Feeling so heartbroken in so many ways.
I just wanted to feel loved and supported.
I had no clue on how to love myself….
I would feel acutely triggered by others behaviours and responses and I was taking everything so personally, feeling hypersensitive to criticism and feedback from others.
I was constantly over-giving my energy, money, and time and doing so much for others, leading me to complete exhaustion and burn out and feeling resentful, because whilst I gave so much, it felt like no one was reciprocating that back to me.
I realised that I’d only ever learnt how to be externally validated by others, leading me to be a people pleaser. I didn’t know how to internally validate myself or what that even meant for me.
I expected other people to give back to me and to take care of me,
But what I realised was, that I wasn’t giving back to me and taking care of myself and at a deep core level, I didn’t actually feel or believe that anyone would want to give back to me and if they did, I would owe them big time….
I found myself attracting partners and situations where I continually over gave. because I was actually terrified that I wasn’t enough underneath. I had to make myself so valuable, so needed so indispensable as a way of trying to protect myself from ever being abandoned or rejected again.
I had a huge wake-up call and realised that the external situations in my life (people and circumstances) were a direct reflection and mirror of how I felt about myself inside.
Ouch….. That hurt….
But it also gave me back the power to change things.
Initially, I did all sorts of things to “get my worth and self-love back”, I got 4 pack abs, started my own business, bought my own home, and whilst it was a step forward from where I’d been, I realised that underneath, the energy driving these changes, was actually to prove my worth, not as a deep reflection of my worth…..
Read that again, slowly, and let it sink in…
There is a huge difference between those two things.
One comes from a fear of not being enough therefore I have to prove that I am enough, through this and that achievement, the other comes from a deep foundation of self-love and creating a life that I love from this space of deep love, care, and respect for myself.
Living and creating from a place of “proving” “striving” or “trying to finally be perfect enough” always comes from fear. The fear of not being enough or never being enough….
And it is the major cause of burnout.
Not saying no,
Not having or knowing what your own boundaries are and what is or isn’t ok for you.
Continually pushing to get external validation,
It’s a hamster wheel, that keeps you so stressed, so exhausted, so tirelessly giving and being the martyr, that no amount of external validation or approval can ever fill that void or heal that wound.
It will take you deep into burnout if you let it.
But the body eventually will say no.
It will refuse to get out of bed one day.
And at that moment, you will have to confront your largest fears of actually not being able to keep everyone else happy, and whilst your ego mind will hate it, your soul will feel relieved.
Healing burnout is an inside job.
It comes from deeply loving you for you, not for all the things you do for others, or for all your achievements, but from a soul-deep connection of self-acceptance of who you are.
From valuing yourself enough to rest.
From knowing yourself and respecting yourself enough to articulate your boundaries.
From first take the step to love yourself, as you would like others to love and value you.
To take amazing care of yourself in the way you would like others to take care of you.
Then you become a match for love and care.
You become a match for others to treat you with respect and to value you for who you are.
And you don’t have to go out looking for it, you will naturally attract the right people into your life, that reflect your level of self-love back to you.
This is the absolute gift of our world being a mirror.
I know exactly what beliefs need to be healed in me, by seeing what’s showing up on the outside.
Life is beautiful,
It is always giving us what we need,
In order to find wholeness and come back to ourselves and evolve our souls.
But if we don’t know the game,
If we don’t know how it works, it can be a difficult road, reinforcing the same painful beliefs, that keep you locked into those same cycles and patterns. I’m all alone, no one is there for me, I give and give and get nothing back…..
If you continually have things showing up in your world, that you have absolutely no idea how they are a mirror or reflection for you and your life, and you want to get clear, for a limited time, I’m offering a Clarity Breakthrough Call.
It’s time to get clear on the limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
It’s time to get clear on how you get to release these and create a life that you love and get loved and supported by yourself and from others in your life.
You are so worth it and you so deserve it.
If you are ready for absolute Clarity and you are ready to commit to healing this for yourself, book your call with me today by clicking the button below.
With Love and Blessings,
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Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia
Phone: (+061) 428 316 546