One of the challenges of being human is, as a young child, we are figuring out who we need to be and how we need to be in the world in order to be loved, accepted, fit in, and belong (this is to ensure our survival) and inadvertently our ego/survival mind creates a construct of an ideal perfect self.
With the construct of an ideal perfect self, also comes the construct of an inner critic (to make sure we are living up to this ideal perfect self.)
This is one of our inner voices, that is constantly monitoring who we should and shouldn’t be, as a survival and coping mechanism.
As we get older, we may experience fleeting happiness when we meet the standards of our ideal perfect self, but it is generally overshadowed by the fear of not feeling enough, or not living up to this ideal self.
The real challenge lies within, how much of this is actually controlling our experience of both ourselves and the world through this unrealistic and often debilitating filter.
Not only are we constantly trying to live up to this unrealistic standard and expectation of ourselves, but if we don’t heal this, we project this onto those around us.
We create a fantasy ideal partner and fantasy ideal children.
This is where our shoulds and shouldn’t come in as we unknowingly project these unrealistic standards and expectations on others around us. Feeling disappointed and let down by their behaviors if they are not matching these fantasy ideals…..
Over the years I have observed this within myself, not only with my kids but also with my partner.
All of the things I have most judged about myself are also what I have judged my partner and kids on the most. Thank God I learned how to heal it! It caused so much pain and challenges in my relationships with my loved ones.
The old adage, we can only love others, as much as we love ourselves, is very, very true…..
With these unrealistic standards and fantasy ideas of who we think they should be, we may feel constantly let down by the expectations we have projected upon them.
It keeps us stuck, without having a real relationship with the person that is actually in front of us.
It can feel like we are constantly banging our heads against a brick wall, wanting them to be different, but logically knowing and understanding they aren’t, but emotionally still hooked into that unconscious fantasy.
The more I’ve looked at and observed these patterns within and healed these things within myself, the more genuine deep love, connection and appreciation I’ve been able to feel not only for myself but also for my loved ones.
And I’m still a work in progress ….
Our ego minds can be wildly rigid in our beliefs, which keeps us stuck living from our heads, and not being able to drop deeply into our hearts and live within the true context of our reality and be at peace with that.
There is nothing more painful than to keep attached to this unrealistic fantasy ideal self, that when we are comparing ourselves to, we constantly feel that we are not enough.
We should be thinner,
More successful,
Happier,
Prettier,
Not as emotional,
We should be more productive,
Work harder,
Do more…..
The list is endless of the projections we place upon ourselves and the filters that we view ourselves through, especially if we don’t feel we are living up to this unrealistic ideal self.
Healing these beliefs, not only feels incredibly freeing and liberating, you will feel you can finally relax and truly love who you are, warts and all.
But it also means that you can experience deep true authentic happiness, that comes from meeting your needs in a way that aligns with your values and feel proud of and deeply connected with your most authentic self.
Not only that, you will notice every single relationship you have, will get easier. There is greater compassion, greater love, and greater genuine appreciation for the person standing in front of you.
Healing this ideal self means your inner critic is no longer controlling you, screaming at you daily, or telling you all the
ways, that you aren’t enough.
There is a deep peace that comes, from feeling connected with and living from your heart, your soul, and your most authentic self.
This is so much of the work that I do with my 1:1 clients in helping them resolve deep issues and judgments about themselves and others that have kept them stuck. Freeing ourselves from these is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and the world.
At the moment, I have a waitlist for my 1:1’s, (DM me to apply) however, I cover so much of discovering these aspects of healing our inner self, in my 28-Day Mini Thrive Program.
In the 28-Day Mini Thrive Program you will learn:
And you can get access to all of that today by clicking the button below:
I’ve shared these processes with thousands of clients over the last 13 years and they are literally shocked at how much and how quickly this has transformed their lives.
Not to mention I’ve used this same process to question disempowering beliefs about money, about relationships and especially about men. I had so many disempowering beliefs that kept me creating the very things I didn’t want to experience, on repeat.
I got so tired of the cycles, I knew I had to find a way out, to unlearn all the things I’d taken on in my earlier years that were no longer serving me.
If you would love some of the most powerful processes that I’ve used over the years to “unlearn” and heal my “unrealistic ideal self” who I thought I needed to be for everybody else, and learn how I embraced my truest most authentic self, you will love my 28 Day Mini Thrive Program.
Grab access to all of this and more, by clicking the button now:
With Love and Blessings,
Sal x
Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia
Email: admin@sallyholden.com.au
Phone: (+061) 428 316 546