So many 1000’s of women I’ve spoken with over the years, including myself, all seem to face the biggest challenge, of how to overcome our own inner critic.
For me, it used to crush me,
Always tearing me down, telling me I wasn’t enough, that I hadn’t done enough, that I should be doing more and all the ways that I was failing….
I just wanted to feel at peace with myself,
I longed to feel that I was enough.
I was tired of the striving, the pushing, the trying to prove that I was enough.
I seemed to desperately seek validation outside of myself, by trying to be everything that everyone else wanted me to be.
Yet I would be devastated if I didn’t get the feedback I was looking for, or I would drop into anger or resentment if I didn’t feel appreciated or validated.
It was exhausting.
And it was damaging to all of my relationships….
And it was at the root cause of my burnout, because I was living in fear.
Constantly trying to be what my inner critic was telling me to be.
At first, I just thought I have to get rid of my ego, to banish her, to tell her off, to tell my inner critic to leave me alone…..
She just got louder and more vicious…
I had no idea, that she was actually there to help me….
Yep, read that again….
Our meanest and most harshest inner critic, is actually trying to help us.
Trying to protect us,
Trying to keep us safe,
Trying to keep us fitting in and belonging
And getting the love that we so desperately wanted to feel as a child,
This is why she is so mean, she’s trying to get you to become all that you believe that you need to be, in order to be loved and accepted by others, especially your family.
If you received love and validation, for taking care of others – your inner critic will scream at you and make you feel guilty when you try to rest or put your own needs first. (Enter the People Pleaser coping mechanism)
If you were in situations, where a parent was upset or out of control, your inner critic will blame you and make it all your fault, as that gives you the illusion of control and it’s something you can change, (it’s terrifying to a child to be in a situation with an angry parent, that we can’t control.) (Enter the It’s all my fault coping
If you got in trouble for making mistakes or getting things wrong, then your inner critic will scream at you to get it totally perfect, or paralyse you with fear so that you don’t even try, so that you can’t get in trouble for getting it wrong. (Enter the perfectionism coping mechanism.)
These are just a few examples of where your inner critic may be so hard on you, because your inner critic is absolutely terrified of the consequences of losing love, approval and validation. The more she is terrified this will happen, the more vicious and mean she will be.
We don’t heal our inner critic by rejecting her and pushing her away. Telling her to rack off and be quiet.
We heal our inner critic by actually understanding what she’s trying to do. We heal her through listening to her concerns and fears and giving her the love and reassurance that she needs.
Your inner critic was once resourceful.
She helped you through difficult situations, that you had no choice in, because you couldn’t leave.
You are now an adult.
It’s time to re-parent these fractured parts of ourself.
It’s time to lovingly challenge the beliefs that we took on and accepted as a child about who we need to be.
It’s time to thank your inner critic for loving you enough and for trying to help you and protect you and keep you safe all these years.
Healing occurs through acceptance not rejection.
Through embracing, not dismissing.
As adults and even more so as Mum’s we have a responsibility to heal our inner critic, otherwise we end up projecting the same fears, the same beliefs of perfectionism, not enoughness onto our own children and to our loved ones, or they learn through watching and witnessing our own behaviours towards ourself.
Self-Love is The MOST important gift we can give to ourself and to our loved ones.
It transforms the fears, the angst, the worry.
It allows us to find our most authentic self.
It allows full authentic expression and finding our voice.
It allows us to make clear decisions, based on our own internal truth.
It allows us to live from our heart.
To share that love,
To share that warmth,
To be yourself fully.
There are still days my inner critic is there and can get pretty loud in my mind.
I now recognise her, as a call back to myself.
As an invitation to come back to love.
And every time I do this,
My heart fills with warmth.
I step back into a deep place of love and connection with myself,
I find peace, calm and rest within.
This is the gift that you can give to yourself.
With Love and Blessings,
P.S. The more exhausted and tired you are, the louder your inner critic will be. This is one of the hardest challenges going through burnout, is because of our inner critic screaming negativity at us.
She is terrified and all of that fear, is draining your adrenals and energy system even more.
The lower we become in energy, the louder and harsher she becomes.
This becomes a downward spiral.
Understanding how to heal her, and how to heal your physical body is paramount to returning to full health and vitality.
What are the consequences of living with a very loud and harsh inner critic for the rest of your life?
How is this currently impacting your self-esteem, your self-worth, your self-confidence?
Not to mention your interactions in relationships?
It’s time to set yourself free, FOR LIFE….
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