The Four things, that cause us to stay stuck…. And how to overcome them!

If you’ve ever felt so frustrated at yourself for feeling that you are not creating the changes that you want to in your life, it will more than likely be one or more of these four things.

  1. We are scared of the unknown. (Even if what we are experiencing is not what we want, it will feel familiar – therefore safer to our ego mind.)
  2. The pain or effort of changing is greater than the pain of staying where we are. (We look for comfort, not challenge.)
  3. We have a values conflict, a fear that if I do this, I will lose this other thing I value.
  4. The side benefits of staying in your current situation are meeting your needs unconsciously.

I’ve seen this play out, not only for myself, but for many beautiful souls that I’ve worked with over the years and even with conscious awareness, we can still stay stuck.

Working with someone to really dig deep into these areas is super important, otherwise we end up telling ourself the same old story and the same old cycle continues.

This is where changing our perception and changing our beliefs to align with what we want is really important.

  1. If you are scared of the unknown, you will procrastinate, you will put things off, it will seem like you are just too busy, or you haven’t got the time, but the truth is you are resisting change because of fear.

Overcoming this means, becoming comfortable with change. Our ego mind craves certainty – growth is far from certain, it leads us into the unknown. Yet until you get comfortable embracing the unknown and having the courage to risk, you will not be prepared to follow through with the changes required in order to live your dream life.

Not wanting to get to the end of your life with major regrets is one way we can activate more courage, the other is getting very clear on what you want and WHY it’s so important to you, and what are the consequences for staying stuck, answering these questions will enable you to step through your fear.

  1. Many times we overcomplicate the steps we need to make in order to create change. We make it so big and so overwhelming, feeling that we have to get it perfect or right, or not try at all.

This is when the effort of changing is greater than the pain of staying stuck…. As humans we often fall prey to the short term impulses and comforts instead of the longer term goals and dreams that we truly wish to create.

It’s not until the pain of staying the same far out weighs the discomfort of change that we will do what is necessary to create change.

We can add leverage to this, by really understanding the deeper consequences of not changing and how that will impact us, our family and loved ones, our health and or our finances in 5 or 10 years from now, to still be in the same situation…. Ouch!

  1. Values conflicts can be very subtle but so powerful in keeping us stuck. Again this has to do with our belief systems created from a past event.

For years and years I had a huge belief that if I was successful, others would hate me or be jealous of me. Because I had such a strong value for my friendships and relationships with people, I often would hold myself back, as I was terrified I would lose people I love.

Other values conflicts can be if I have more money, I’ll lose time with my family, or if I have more money I’ll lose my health. (Both of these conflicts come from “I have to work really hard to deserve money.”)

Starting to associate how having more of the thing you desire (money for example), actually gives you more time with your family or more health, are the ways to overcome these values conflicts.

What beliefs do you hold, that “If I do this, I’ll lose that……” (it’s time to change those beliefs!)

  1. Lastly, the side benefits of staying in the same situation are actually meeting your needs. It’s sounds incredulous to say, but staying in victim consciousness holds great power.

We can unconsciously elicit sympathy and empathy and even what might look like or feel like love, care or attention from feeling like a victim.

We can unconsciously control and manipulate people when we feel like a victim. Staying in that story means that we don’t have to change, it’s everyone else’s fault, or other people are to blame and that we don’t have to take responsibility for our life. It means we don’t have to risk anything, therefore we can’t fail.

But it comes at such a huge cost…… We often end up losing many people in our life from living in this energy because it is far too draining to be around. We don’t make the changes we need to, because it would disrupt the narrative that we have hypnotised ourself to.

I lived in this energy for far too long. It was so painful and even though in some respects it did wield power, I felt powerless.

Because any time I blame something outside of myself, it means that I am powerless to make the changes I needed to, for myself. I was literally giving my power away. I was not taking responsibility for my life, for my wellbeing and for my happiness…..

Really understanding the side benefits of staying stuck in our story is so important, to be able to free ourself from it. Often we may form friendships and or relationships over wound bonding. Where for many people they finally feel understood, especially if a person has the same or similar wound.

Yet it holds us back from healing. It keeps us stuck, because we don’t want to lose these precious friendships, so we hold ourself back from healing and getting on with our life.

I really encourage you to look deeply within.

Where are these playing out within you?

What support do you need to ensure that you don’t keep reliving the same unconscious patterns for the next 5- 10 years, or for the rest of your life?

With Love and Blessings,

Sal x

P.S. One of the biggest challenges that keep women in burnout is the fear of disappointing others, or letting others down.

Even though they KNOW they need to change things, or take better care of themselves, they are still getting so many side benefits to staying in these people-pleasing situations.

Validation, love, feeling that we are a good person, and feeling that we are needed, wanted, and valued for all we do, can be quite addictive, but it comes at a tremendous cost.

Our health and our well-being and along with that, our happiness…..

It’s simply unsustainable to keep giving from an empty bucket and if you are regularly experiencing anger or resentment, it’s a massive red flag to reach out for support.

So many women KNOW what they should or need to do, but find it hard to follow through, if that is you, make sure you book your call with me today.

Overcoming these deeper unconscious beliefs and fears is the key to your wellbeing and getting your life and health back.

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Abundant Heart Coaching

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