𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗳, 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
I was chatting with a friend on Saturday about this, she was blown away when I shared with her, why I believe that she continues to massively over-give in her healing business, which is actually starting to cause her burnout.
She absolutely agreed with me, that it was her need to be liked and perceived as a giving and helping humanity. She also was blown away when I said that we are conditioned and groomed to be “good girls” by society.
I still remember receiving so much love, validation, and praise for cleaning the bathroom for my Mum when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would find anything that I could do that could help her and I’d do it.
The more love and praise I got for it, the more addicted I became to find ways that I could please people and make them happy.
It fed my ego/survival mind’s need to fit in, belong, and be accepted and very quickly I learnt that if I was a very good girl and helped everyone as much as I possibly could, that was my pathway to receiving the love and validation I craved.
The challenge with it was, (not that helping others isn’t a good thing,) but that I never really learnt how to love myself for who I was.
This created a painful cycle of guilt, resentment, and exhaustion later on in life and made me become dependent on external validation and praise for my sense of self-worth and value because I had never learnt how to love myself and know my own worth internally.
I felt so guilty if I wanted to say no, or not do something, resentment at feeling used at times, or feeling that I had to overgive and continually do things for others, otherwise, they wouldn’t like or love me anymore, or perceive me as a kind and loving person.
I constantly needed others’ approval, which also created so much exhaustion. I truly believed that I hadn’t given enough until I had nothing left in the tank.
This not only weakened my sense of self, but I also felt completely devalued, because I was consistently abandoning my authentic needs, in an attempt to receive the love, approval, and validation of others, which only led to further feeding the cycle of over-giving, to receive the love from others, that I was not and did not know, how to give to myself.
Does this make sense?
It took me quite a bit of unpacking myself over the years to fully understand the massive impact this was having on my life, and how
I had become so dissociated from my real feelings and even signals of exhaustion from my body, in order to continue pleasing others.
It’s so important to become consciously aware of the unconscious programming and conditioning that have shaped who we believe “we think we need to be, in order to be loved”.
Because otherwise, we end up continually exhausting and depleting ourselves, knowing we “should take better care of ourselves” but never actually implementing the key things in order to create that change, because our survival mind is trying to keep us safe, through pleasing others.
Don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love to give!
It lights my heart up to do so and it gives me incredible energy,
BUT only when I’m giving from a place of self-love and self-worth and feeling wonderful in myself.
When I give from a place of depletion and self-abandonment to try and get love and validation externally, it will always lead to anger and resentment, and patterns of guilt.
The anger and resentment are huge signs that I am violating my boundaries and I have very limited capacity, either emotionally, mentally or physically, or on all 3 levels.
Our body is always letting us know.
The way to exit out of this crazy cycle is to become truly conscious of what we’ve attached to our own identity – who we BELIEVED we needed to be, to be loved, fit in, belong, and be accepted.
By doing so, we create great awareness to be able to work on the belief systems, such as “I have to keep everyone happy, I have to take care of everyone, I can’t let others down and I can’t put my own needs before others.”
This is what has us able to make truly conscious daily choices, that feel aligned with our most authentic selves.
Our need for approval from others is the glue that keeps us most stuck.
Freeing yourself from this is liberating beyond words,
Both energetically and physically!
With love and blessings,
If you’ve struggled with your sense of self, or find yourself always ending up in the burnout, exhaustion, resentment, and guilt cycle, it is so important to free yourself from this.
Especially if you have kids.
This is generational wounding being passed down. I witnessed my own beautiful Mum exhausting and depleting herself so often, being the martyr, constantly there for everyone else. Our kids are watching us every single day and learning from our actions.
When we heal ourself, we heal our generational line. This is such powerful, potent, and important work right now. Healing our divine feminine and coming back into balance.
If you would love to get your energy back, to be able to easily express and communicate healthy boundaries, to truly love, honour, value, and respect who you are, and to be your highest and most authentic version of yourself, then you are in the right place.
This is my jam, and what I’ve dedicated my whole life to attaining for myself and helping others with.
I know the belief systems that are keeping you stuck, I know the challenges with attempting to set boundaries and finding your own voice again, I know the pitfalls of trying to assert yourself to say no when for years you’ve taken responsibility and care of everyone.
I work super intuitively, to support you to bring yourself back into balance, find your voice, express your most authentic self, and live your happiest and most joyful fully expressed life.
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You’ll get The Power of Gratitude, Know your Worth, Mini 28 Day Thrive, Warrior Goddess Self-Love School, and access to 12 months’ worth of training in my Inner Circle Mastermind where we cover off on every single life area, including relationships, your life purpose and business, manifestation, planning, and goal setting and tonnes more…..
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Embracing your emotions…. At first, they will appear to intensify, At first, they will seem to grow larger and deeper, And it may scare you, But as you stay present with them, As you expand into the feeling even more, They will dissipate fast. Even in the deepest grief, when I’ve been truly present with …
Love pure love. Wrapping my spirit up in it’s warm blanket A constant source of guidance and support A feathered nest to lay thy weary head, in times of darkness A breath, a glimmer of hope, As the newness of the day dawns on the horizon, A sparkle. A light far off in the distance, …
Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia
Phone: (+061) 428 316 546