This really shocked me….
Last week I had a great conversation with a friend that I hadn’t spoken with in quite a long time,
What really hit me squarely between the eyeballs was, how much praise, validation, and cultural conditioning we receive around:
Mothers making sacrifices and how much that is rewarded and praised for being wonderful, loving, and all-giving Mum.
Continuing to show up for everyone else when you have nothing left inside.
In this conversation with my friend, I received praise and validation for both of these things, when these are the very KEY things I’ve been dismantling in my identity for a long time, especially in the last 2-3 years.
It rocked me, because of how much this is seen as the norm and as women, how much we are praised and validated and seen as heroes for that. (Hello subconscious conditioning!)
And I know that was also not my friend’s intention at all, my friend is incredibly heart-based and conscious, yet this can be such deep unconscious conditioning…
As a Mum, of two daughters now aged 20 and 22, I know that it can feel like we make tremendous sacrifices as Mum, yet when it’s seen this way, and if we are making choices from that place, it will always produce resentment.
We end up starving ourselves as women, only then to teach to our own daughters, that that is who they need to be as a Mum.
For the most part, I’ve done my absolute best to show my girls I love them and I am there for them, and that when I take better care of myself and DON’T sacrifice myself, I am in fact a more present and fulfilled, happy mother and I don’t project my emptiness and exhaustion on my children and expect them to fill that void for me, or worse blame them for it. (Hello subconscious guilt for existing or having needs.)
That doesn’t mean that I haven’t made choices that may have “looked” like sacrifices to others, it’s come from a genuine place of who I chose to be as a Mum and what I chose consciously for myself and my girls.
It comes from two very different places energetically and emotionally.
The second one of continuing to show up for everyone else, when I’ve had nothing left inside, is one I’ve paid radical attention to.
This is not only out of complete integrity to everything I teach, but it’s also not sustainable and it produces incredible anger and resentment.
Burnout taught me NOT to do this.
Sometimes I know that in life, due to our external commitments, and responsibilities we’ve taken on, we choose to show up regardless or may feel that we have to, but these days more than ever, I pay attention to how I am feeling and at the earliest moment I can, generally that day, (if not that day, definitely that week).
I will immediately take things out of my schedule, say no to things, get to bed early, and do everything I can to take care of myself and my body to refill my bucket and realign myself.
Taking care of yourself and prioritizing what feels aligned and right, will always produce the highest outcomes for all.
Healing these generational “Mother Wounds” that we have collectively absorbed as women about what and who we should be, and what society expects of us, is our own personal responsibility.
It is generations and generations of conditioning that have been passed down.
I always ask myself, what I would want for my girls when they become Mothers, then I make sure I do my best to be role modeling that.
I want them to know that it’s safe and ok for them to prioritize their well-being and rest,
I want them to know that they are valuable and worthy, regardless of how much they do or don’t do, and their worth is not tied to their productivity and how much they are there for others.
I want them to know it’s safe for them to follow their heart and soul and live a life that they truly love.
And not only do I want this for them, but if they want it for themselves, I also choose it for myself.
As women it’s time to break free from the unconscious conditioning and programming and the chains that have kept us stuck, being the emotional caretaker, harmonizer, and peacemaker and not speaking up for fear of rocking the boat, inconveniencing others, upsetting others, or letting others down.
It’s time to break free from the dreaded guilt of taking care of ourselves, prioritizing our own needs, and saying no when we need to.
This was all part of the conditioning that has been passed down, as women, from Mothers that had starved themselves.
Breaking free from the guilt that keeps us stuck in unresourceful patterns:
Guilt for existing.
Guilt for taking up space.
Guilt for having needs or asking for what we desire or want.
Guilt for not being what everyone else wants us to be.
When you can truly face off with guilt and no longer let it rule you, or make decisions from that place, then you are free.
With Love and Blessings,
If you resonate deeply with what I am sharing here and you know that guilt has been a huge driver for you in your life, there is a way to break free.
If you’ve been noticing that:
You consistently put everyone else’s needs first,
You self-sabotage, just before you are about to get your goal
You hold back, don’t speak your truth, or have trouble asking for your needs,
You feel unfilled in your relationships,
You know financially there is way more you could be allowing yourself to receive,
You feel afraid of what others may think of you,
You are worried that your success will upset, hurt or diminish others,
And if you’d love to:
Feel total freedom and liberation and be fully aligned in your life
Take meaningful action towards your goals and actually achieve them,
Be who you truly know you are at your core,
Express yourself freely,
Have powerful, supportive, and nurturing relationships,
Break free of that glass ceiling financially and truly set yourself free,
Then I have room for 4 more beautiful souls this month, who are ready to dive deep into breaking their conditioning and patterns, in 1:1 sessions with me, who are ready to shine their lights and live unapologetically like never before.
To truly love who they are and to set themselves free and develop the skills and have the tools and knowledge of what to do, anytime those old fears arise.
It’s been so long since I’ve opened up space for 1:1 sessions with me, but now more than ever before it’s so important to dive deep into these and to support the lightworkers, the healers, to expand to new levels in themselves and their consciousness, to support their clients at an even deeper level.
If that’s you email me at email@example.com to apply today. xx
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Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia
Phone: (+061) 428 316 546