Unconditional love is a myth…

Unconditional love is a myth, that perpetuates not having boundaries…

This blew my mind when I truly understood it,

As a little girl, I truly believed that unconditional love meant that, no matter how awful someone was to me, or how bad they treated me, I still needed to love them and be kind to them and accept them as they are.

So much of my worth and value was tied up in the identity of “being all loving and accepting of others.”

This meant actually having no boundaries.

To me, it meant that I was a bad person if I felt angry or upset at someone’s behaviour or how they treated me. I felt it was wrong to feel anger or to be upset with them on any level.

I would even feel guilty or a sense of shame for my anger or resentment toward them.

I became defenseless against people that treated me badly. It set me up to believe that I was everyone’s doormat because I wasn’t being a loving person otherwise and would drown in my own guilt for feeling angry.

I lost my voice entirely.

It smashed my self-esteem.

I continually felt anger, then felt shame for how I felt.

I lost myself and who I was, completely.

Unconditional love is a myth.

Those that you are closest to, have the greatest ability to impact you, therefore HAVING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES, means having a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Knowing what is and isn’t ok for you.

Knowing what feels good and supports you energetically, emotionally, and mentally and being able to communicate that

effectively.

And if someone continually violates your boundaries, it is YOUR responsibility to move yourself out of harm’s way and away from that person.

That’s what self-love is.

Attempting to be all loving, no matter how someone treats you, only produces greater anger and resentment, even if it is simmering below the surface and you have a happy smiley face on and are pretending to be loving and kind on the outside, all the while screaming internally, at the injustice you feel.

It’s actually not loving at all. For you or for them.

The most loving thing you can do is to choose to leave that situation, and send love and compassion to the person because it’s much easier to do that if they are no longer personally impacting you.

To allow someone to continually treat you badly is only enabling the abuse. That is not loving, to either you or them.

Where do you need to set healthier and more supportive boundaries for yourself?

Remember, we teach people how to treat us, by what we choose to allow and accept.

With Love and Blessings,

Sal x

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