What to do if you’re triggered?

What we are triggered by and judge the most in others, is what is left to heal in ourself.

That which we judge, disown, shame or hold contempt for in others, is what also exists within us, yet we are not yet willing to see or own it within ourself.

We may completely deny and not be able to see the ways that we act that way, either to ourself or to others and we can tend to become super polarised, and the extreme opposite becomes our predominant behaviour.

For example, if you are triggered by people that are “loud and aggressive”, you may predominately be completely passive in your behaviour, either withdrawing in their presence, or not speaking up for yourself, or communicating your needs effectively, but going into shutdown, but underneath you may feel so angry or even aggressive towards this person in your thinking about them.

The challenge is with these patterns, is that they can play out so unconsciously until we truly allow ourself to embrace, see and accept ALL of these parts of ourself.

This gives us a huge range to consciously choose to operate from, rather than operating from only one side of the polarised extremes.

Feeling Whole, Healed, and Complete does not come from ONLY loving our “goodness”, (this is only ever a judgment of the ego mind anyway, coming from the mind’s fear-based duality of good/bad, right/wrong, black/white thinking.)

Wholeness comes from embracing ALL PARTS of ourself, which also includes our “shadow” aspect or things that we may have traditionally judged as bad, or wrong, or not being loving enough, or not being a “good” human being.

When we reject these shadow aspects of ourself, such as anger, selfishness, aggression, laziness etc, we split and fracture our consciousness, we become blinded to these behaviours within ourself, and are extremely triggered by someone else acting or being this way.

I’ve noticed over many years, that I always become, that which I judge. (And I’ve observed this in others as well.)

Let’s take negativity for example.

I remember when I first became really triggered by others’ negativity and found myself, complaining to others about this person’s negativity.

In the moment I judged it, I also became it, without even being consciously aware of that, because I was so focused on the OTHER person’s behaviour, rather than who I was being. I’ve come to learn this as a major tripping point for myself and others.

This is why when you notice when you are triggered by someone, it could be a friend, it could be your partner, it could even be your child, it’s always because we have disowned that, or made it wrong within ourself.

This is why I love the Byron Katie work.

It is such profound deep healing work.

It has a way of humbling our egos and cracking open our heart.

It has a way of shining the light of consciousness on ourself and the situation and bringing us back home to ourself and the larger truth.

It has a way of healing these fractured aspects and bringing us back to greater love, compassion and wholeness, not just for ourself, but also for others.

The more we have healed these fractured aspects within ourself, the calmer we will feel in the presence of others behaviours.

What’s one aspect of yourself that you are highly judgemental of?

How might you be able to bring more compassion to that part of yourself?

How did this aspect help you cope, or keep you safe when you were growing up?

Or where would owning this part of you actually be an asset or help you in life?

By giving thanks to this aspect, we begin to heal the fracture within and feel more love, wholeness, and acceptance of ourself and therefore others.

Love and Blessings,

Sal x


This is a huge part of the work that I do with my clients, really helping them to identify and most importantly HEAL their biggest wounds, their biggest struggles, and their biggest triggers.

If you’ve ever struggled to manifest what you desire, often it’s these unconscious triggers that keep people stuck in lack, fear, stress and scarcity.

Healing these wounds massively improves their relationship with themselves and within all of their relationships, not only healing and regulating their nervous system, but also overcoming big belief systems that have kept them stuck, feeling reactive, unhappy or not being able to let go of past experiences through the narrative and perspective we’ve taken on.

If you are ready to do the deep inner work, you are looking for profound change, an incredible shift in your confidence, self-worth, self-value and taking action to truly create a life that you love then email me at admin@sallyholden.com.au today. I have 1 spot left for 1:1 Coaching. xxx


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Abundant Heart Coaching

Abundant Heart Coaching, 538A The Esplanade, Warners Bay NSW 2282, Australia

Email: admin@sallyholden.com.au

Phone: (+061) 428 316 546