Wow, wow, wow!!
What we resist definitely persists and actually builds in its energy!!!
I can’t believe that I’ve had some emotions bubbling away under the surface, that I seriously felt so resistant to feeling that I have literally just heightened up my level of “busyness” in my life in order to not actually feel what I was feeling.
It feels like the longest time since I’ve done that, as normally I am so open to feeling what I am feeling.
I find that this can arise when we have a judgement or when we have made feeling a particular emotion wrong for a long time. (By the way if you have this you’ll know, because when you see or experience this in others you’ll be triggered by it.)
It’s truly been an amazing start to the year with January blowing my mind and doubling my income with some amazing manifesting work that created the space for me to massively uplevel again.
And what followed January surprised me, as I’d still been so much in an unconscious fight/flight state that it’s finally taken till to a few weeks ago, to relax out of that, recognise what’s really being happening and come back to my normal state of being again.
Have you ever had the situation where you just knew you weren’t quite right but you couldn’t put your finger on it?
I knew something was off, I was in a lot more “push” energy than I normally are, I was drinking more coffee, I was antsy and heightened, my sleep was off, and anxiety had resurfaced a few times.
Little did I know what was bubbling beneath the surface had me running scared.
It was grief, my dear friend grief. (And along with that was attached a whole host of emotions and story!)
And I’d been avoiding it for the last 6 weeks and what a toll that avoidance has taken on my body and mindset.
Instead of breathing into it, and feeling it 6 weeks ago, I just felt like I couldn’t find my feet again.
Internally I felt chaotic and disjointed, I couldn’t seem to get back into my normal routine, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get back into flow, no matter how many attempted processes I did, no matter how I structured my day or tried to be productive.
I’m so used to things flowing easily, I’m so used to my natural and easy alignment and high vibes, yet this one was difficult to identify and thank goodness I work with my amazing coach, who finally helped me identity what was going on.
Finally, I can breathe again (I’d had asthma again the last few weeks – so super rare these days.)
(In the height of grief with my Mum over 9 years ago, I had asthma daily for about 6 months – the emotion of grief, normally resides in the lungs and large instestine.)
The clarity and clear headedness is finally returning, I no longer feel like I have tunnel vision and feel like I have greater joy and perspective again.
When we are locked into the fight/flight state it can totally derail our whole entire operating system.
Right through from being able to think clearly, making logical and rational decisions, being able to regulate our emotions easily, to just feeling a sense of peace, freedom and acceptance internally.
I was even finding it difficult to access gratitude, something that I’ve done daily for years and years now.
It takes so much energy to supress and resist our emotions, that this was also taking a toll on the energy that I had available to put towards my goals and to live my life in a way that naturally feels great for me.
I had noticed I’d stopped playing the piano, I was no longer colouring in, in the sunshine, I was no longer doing my morning yoga or bouncing on my mini-tramp.
I’d found it difficult to even think about writing a blog post, all that creative energy jammed up inside, whilst I was trying to keep a lid on my emotions.
I gave myself very little time, energy or space. (To do that, would have allowed the space for the emotion to arise.)
I’d put a hold on all the things that help me to feel balanced, joyous, alive, energetic and grateful AND most of all connected to myself.
It’s crazy what supressing emotions can have us end up doing, all in an effort to regain or keep control.
And yet often it’s the supressing of the emotion, which is the very thing, that makes us feel out of control. It’s often when we turn to addictive behaviours, or escapism type behaviours, desperate to feel anything other than what we are feeling.
I know for me, my drill sergeant comes out, she puts me to work and pushes me well beyond normal limits.
It’s so freeing to recognise this.
Yes, doing the deep inner work, can be consuming, exhausting and sometimes seem relentless, but the breakthroughs that I get and continue to get, are so absolutely freeing.
My soul feels like it can totally soar again, I’ve unpicked even more of some of the old beliefs that were tied into this grief, and absolutely weighing me down and making me feel very heavy, energetically, physically and emotionally!
The freedom that I now feel is incredible.
And what I find so fascinating is how other emotions, stories and “themes” in our life can be so interwoven within these intense emotions.
The grief that I was actually feeling, was more about the disconnection that I was feeling within myself.
Parts of myself that I had made wrong and judged, parts of myself that I felt a sense of guilt or shame about. Parts of myself that I really thought had hurt others, or made others feel bad.
(All of this was untrue, but I had really bought into the old outdated story that had been unconsciously running a self-sabotage program.)
To be really honest I totally believe that until we are prepared to dive into and shine the conscious light of awarness on the unconscious patterns and behaviour, we cannot move forward.
If you are continuing with a behaviour that is frustrating you, or continually find yourself in the same or similar situations – but perhaps with different people, then I can promise you, it’s something that is being highlighted and showing up to be healed within you.
For me, it was about my empowered masculine energy.
When I am by myself, I allow myself to be totally in this, I thrive in it, I feel alive, enthusiastic, driven, excited and capable.
However, in partnership with another, I had made this wrong, I had dulled it down, pulled it back, and deserted myself in the process.
How often do you do this?
Do you find that you are going great guns, then all of a sudden you find yourself withdrawing? Find yourself holding yourself back? Find yourself diminishing yourself or making yourself small, and not following through.
The inner conflict between our SOUL, calling us to step up, calling us to live into our truth and greatest version of ourself and the ego survival’s mind longing to fit in, can be huge at times.
And whilst both of these parts are pulling in different directions, you will feel lost, you will feel unsure, you will doubt yourself and your ability, you will lose confidence in who you are.
We must be aligned and integrated to move forward into flow.
To allow ourself to receive at the highest level and to feel amazingly wonderful internally.
This is the very key to a fulfilled and happy life.
It is the key to more money.
It is the key to greater relationships,
It is the key to greater health, energy and vitality.
Our body is always letting us know, when we are resisting life.
And I know from the last month, how exhausted physically I felt, from constantly trying to push myself, when my ego/survival mind was so resistant.
Doing the inner work is imperative,
It’s not negotiable if you are wanting to create huge changes in your life.
It’s not for the faint of heart,
It’s not for those, not willing to go deep,
It’s not for those, unwilling to show up for themselves.
You know who you are,
You know what you want,
You know that it’s time to show up for you and to take it to the next level.
These are the people I love spending time with,
These are the ones that are my soul mate clients,
These are the ones that I’m so super excited about working with,
Because they show up for themselves,
They find a way no matter what,
And they do the inner work.
With love and blessings,
Always in All Ways,
P.S. If you are ready to dive deep, ready to strip things back, ready to take things to the next level, ready to commit to your dream life, with no but’s or if’s, then contact me to find out more about my Money Manifestation Course.
5 weeks to get clear, to break through, to uplevel and to reclaim your inner power!
This will be totally next level, with incredible trainings to high vibe and elevate you, deep inner work to smash through those blocks and barriers that have been holding you back.
It is the most amazing transformational event to have you step forward and get your money flow on. I cannot wait to see what manifests in this powerful group!
Let’s get ready for abundance and next level contribution to help heal this world.
Big love xox
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